Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
