i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
