WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
