1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
