Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
