this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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