In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
