Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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