Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
