I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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