It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
