Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
