so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
