ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
