Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
