i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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