Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
