Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
