i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
