were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
