I bet he comes in French.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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