I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
