her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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