Christians are straight up FREAKS
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
