For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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