What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
