im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
