Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
