So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
