the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
