I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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