first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
