you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
