i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
