So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
