I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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