I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I smell stomach acid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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