you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
