You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
