Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
