Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
