Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
