bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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