Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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