I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this hospital has no fireball
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
