Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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