nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
