good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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