"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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