we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
