I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
